The invisible man 4/2/08

I have become fascinated with a man I have met 3 times - I think. He makes no imprint on me at each of these occasions and that is what is most disturbing. I am entranced with his nothingness. I never recognise him and yet I meet him in the cold light of day for business purposes. Robert is a builder who is going to fix the leaking tiles in our bathroom. We first met when he fixed our leaking bath pipe and then our leaking roof. Things leak a lot here! I have become fascinated by his lack of presence, by his undeveloped identity in my mind. I am not a person who forgets faces and yet he is utterly forgettable. I would like to ask him what it is like to be invisible. Does it unsettle him to have to keep on re-introducing himself? Does this happen to him regularly or is he particularly and peculiarly indistinct to me?

I offer this diary entry in apology to Robert whom I never recognise. I intend to update and detail each meeting I have with him over the next few weeks as he repairs our bathroom. I will make more of an effort to regard him closely, to study his features, to mark his presence and in doing so hope to undo his ability to void himself. I place myself in opposition to Robert’s disappearing identity. I want to reassert his presence. I do not think I will tell him about this project, but I know Mme C. would approve.

While it is relatively clear from his most recent apparition in the bathroom I will detail his appearance and manner as if to capture him for a little.

Robert is perhaps 6”, brown/ sandy short hair with a fringe, blue eyes, neither good nor bad looking, sincere, regular weight, Polish with good English and very little accent. How old- 30? (I would not be a good witness at a crime scene). An unlined face that reveals very little, a lot of building work, since we have been waiting for some time for a quote and he dropped in unexpectedly and that must mean he is a good builder. He was recommended as extremely honest and competent so let us also attribute those unconfirmed features. He wore a Bluetooth earpiece that flashed neon and became like hummingbird jewellery and a khaki printed t-shirt (a Mambo feel) and dark combat trousers. This description will be added to and amended for clarity of future recognition.

The meeting 4/2/08 12.45pm. The doorbell rings. I am in thought. I look down at what I am wearing and assess if my presence in the real world opening a door to an unknown and uninvited individual would be laughable. It is acceptable. I run downstairs so as not to miss the unexpected diversion. I open the door. I say ‘hello, how can I help?’ and obviously look blankly since Robert replies ‘Hi, it’s Robert’ and semi-laughs, but if I were him I might not be laughing but crying if this were a regular occurrence and nobody is able to hold me in their mind. Business continues as usual after this. I am frustrated through the meeting in a low-level way about the subtle injustice of my failed recognition. I offer a cup of tea as an olive branch. He does not accept, too much work to do for people who do recognise him.

Appropriately enough I do not have a photo of him. There would have been no legitimate way to get that into a bathroom quote meeting. Not yet. A white space is best for now! I want you reader to try and imagine him and by this collective effort will him into fixed identifiable presence.